I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
