I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
