Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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