I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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