okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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