It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
