Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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