My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
