You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
