I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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