Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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