Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
