The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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