omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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