I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I have post one night stand depression
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