I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
