He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
