Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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