the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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