Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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