it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
