I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
