well I can't set my house on fire every night
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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