He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
