ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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