guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Pants are for mortals
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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