I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
