Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
