Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
