i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
