you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
