TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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