well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
