There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
