His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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