I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
