they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
