i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
