walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
