you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
