We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
