just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
