I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
