ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
