He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
