She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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