She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
