...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
