just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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