And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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