hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
