WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I need moral support for this bender
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
